6/30/24
Before I start this I want you to know that I don't know much, I am but 16 and have only started to figure out a few puzzles that is life. But I hope what I tell you in this blog helps you come up with some ideas to begin, continue or finsih some of your life puzzles.
I know some people don't like this word, hear it as a hurtful slur which is understandable. As a child I was often discussed amongst the others as a spaz, I was out of control, twitchy, fidgety and most of all spastic. I can understand why people may not like this word. Especially people on the autism or ADHD spectrum. It makes sense of why you would not want to be called this or hear this word. But, when I was younger I often mistook insults as playful banter. In kindergarten I thought every single classmate was my best friend. I grew to understand what certian things meant though. I learned what it was to be hurt by others. Not just physically but verbaly. I knew what didn't feel good of couse. My feelings were hurt often. But little names I was called didn't always insult me. Things like "Weirdo", "Loony" or "Spaz" didn't bother me. I eventaully knew they meant it negatively. But I never took it as such. Something was rewired in my brain saying. "Isn't that obvious?" I know what I do, I know it causes problems to me and other, I just didn't know how to manage it. When I was in 3rd grade my teacher prompted me having ADHD. And while it was very helpful to get that diagnoses it was only just two days ago my Psychitrist prompted for me to get the diagnoses I was patiently waiting for. Autism.
Most if not all my life I have stuggled to be "productive". I say that in quotes becuase being productivity is veiwed very differently depending on your age and what society expects of you. A productive day from a 16 year old is not the same as a productive day from a 32 year old. From socital standards at least. For example. In a domestic family setting, a mother and father would expect their 16 year old son to get good grades, socalize with his freinds on a semi-regular basis, take care of his house duties/chores as well as starting to get his hands on his learners permit. Maybe even do well at his job and put a good portion of that money into savings for college. That is was societey expects a mother and father to want from their 16 yeare old son if not more. These are at a glance very basic things for parents to want from their son. But socitey has not taken into considertation of one thing. Life. "Life happens" as they say. But really think about the life society wants this figurative boy to have. And then think about the boys life. past, present and future. The things he is no longer able to control, the things he can control, and the things he has yet to control. What I'm saying is that in life it is more complicated than what most deem as a completely normal expectation. In a metaphorical sense, the flower has water, the flower has sun, the flower has seemingly good soil, why is the flower not growing. Well maybe you are not seeing everything the flower is. What if the flower does not need as much water that you are giving it, or even more water. What if the flower grows better in the shade. What if the flower grows better with other plants or maybe the flower has not as good soil when you look a bit closer. There a many things to consider about the flower and if you don't try to learn more about the flower it will soon die in the condition you are giving it. When I mean you and the flower I mean soceity and the boy. The boy may be under certian circumstances or conditions of why he can't do what he suposedly is expectpected of him. When I think of what is expected of me I think of what society expects of me, If I were to let this figurative society I have in my head tell me what is and isn't procutive and what I should or shouldn't be doing. I would never be able to be happy, surely there is more to life then being societys standards of Productive. I find that it all boils down to a few terms.
I find that for as long as I can remeber until as of recently if there was a problem, an obsticle, a wall where behind it was my goal, I would look at it and before even thinking of problem solving. I would immidetly doubt myself and my abilty to do anything and give up instantly. This is due to my executvie dysfunction. When a neurotypical person runs into a problem, they look at their long-term memory of all the other problems they have solved before and use the skills and knowledge they gained from that to then not only use context clues, but look to instructions to then solve said problem. The mental process that people go through quickly depending on how vdersatile they are to the situation. By having previous knowledge on the matter they can either do well or worse on how they solved the problem. As said, I do not do this, it's never been how I functioned. But I also don't belive in things never changing. Poeople, places and things change around us all the time. If we are living out lives, breathing in the oxegyn and waking up to a next day until furhter notice, things will then always change. And so if everything around me is changing and I myself will change no matter what I do, why don't I try to move in the direction of bettering myself?